GracefulAssassin
Mori Hater
- Credits
- 1,010
The Tokyo Game Show is one of the most exciting times of the year for us here at IGN. We get to travel all the way to Mecca of the industry, a beautiful land where gaming culture was born and still thrives today. We indulge in exotic foods, sight-see majestic places and ogle the myriad of wonderful characters that populate the country. But as in any foreign land, not everything in Japan is what it seems to a group of outsiders like us. Here are our biggest, scariest fears of what might go down in Japan if things happen to go horribly awry.
1. We accidentally eat something that is still alive (and we're not talking yogurt)
Japanese culinary excursions can range anywhere from delightfully delicious to OH MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST PUT INSIDE ME I THINK IT'S TRYING TO CRAWL ITS WAY OUT, meaning a simple dinner date can turn into a mouth lottery. We'll be sure to poke, prod and interview our potentially still cognizant cuisine before attempting to devour it in a single bite, or before it devours us.
2. Ryan Clements leaves IGN to front a pop band
The surest sound that a passionately executed review for a new JRPG or dancing game is incoming is the muffled melody of pop music resonating from Ryan Clements' headphones. The guy just loves his K-Pop, J-Pop, USA-Pop –hell, if it features three to seven bubbly, dancing women backed by a bouncy, synthy beat, he's all over it. But with IGN visiting Japan this week, the rest of us here in editorial are a little concerned that we might lose him forever. Maybe we're just paranoid, but on any given night Clements might enter a dance club, have a few drinks, disappear into the crowd and emerge the next morning as the frontman for Japan's largest pop band. Since that's not a risk we're willing to take, we'll have to lie and tell him that Japanese pop mega-star Ayumi Hamasaki is currently posing naked at his desk back here in the states to ensure he promptly flies home to us.
3. All of our underwear gets stolen by an old pervert on a train
Did you know that Japan's most popular national pastime is stealth-based undergarment theft on their public transportation? (Seriously, Google it. Or don't if you value your job.) While in Japan, IGN will need to travel by train to get from appointment to appointment, and since we're all very proud of our respective underwear collections, this one has us morbidly scared. If you happen to see a handsy, elderly man darting away from the Shibuya station clutching a pair of Halo: Reach "Warthoggin'" boxer shorts, give Ryan Geddes a blanket and buy him a drink.
4. We stop to gawk at a hot anime girl who turns out to be only 14 years old
"But officer, she said she was 18!" is a poor excuse no matter what language you speak. The problem with Japanese anime culture is that schoolgirls dominate the landscape, and that opens up a whole range of problems should we ever decide to enter a Japanese sex shop and purchase a few comic books and DVDs. Not like we'd ever do that or anything, unless of course we were asked to review them, in which case it'd be a justifiable work excursion, right? Yeah, good luck getting that excuse past the cops.
5. IGN Editorial gets replaced by robots
It's no secret that robots pose the No. 1 threat to human existence, and nobody embraces these future mechanical overlords more than the people of Japan. Which is why it's entirely possible that we'll wake up one morning to find our innards have been replaced with circuit boards. And the rest of the IGN editors sure don't want to deal with Kristine Steimer-trons and Erik Brudvignators in the own office, so preventing IGN editorial robot takeover in Japan will be our top priority. That and writing 76 previews for tentacle puzzle dating simulators that only a dozen people in the States will buy. Stay classy, Japan!
Source
5 things to watch out for when I go there. >_> There lucky. I always wanted to go there...
1. We accidentally eat something that is still alive (and we're not talking yogurt)
Japanese culinary excursions can range anywhere from delightfully delicious to OH MY GOD WHAT DID I JUST PUT INSIDE ME I THINK IT'S TRYING TO CRAWL ITS WAY OUT, meaning a simple dinner date can turn into a mouth lottery. We'll be sure to poke, prod and interview our potentially still cognizant cuisine before attempting to devour it in a single bite, or before it devours us.
2. Ryan Clements leaves IGN to front a pop band
The surest sound that a passionately executed review for a new JRPG or dancing game is incoming is the muffled melody of pop music resonating from Ryan Clements' headphones. The guy just loves his K-Pop, J-Pop, USA-Pop –hell, if it features three to seven bubbly, dancing women backed by a bouncy, synthy beat, he's all over it. But with IGN visiting Japan this week, the rest of us here in editorial are a little concerned that we might lose him forever. Maybe we're just paranoid, but on any given night Clements might enter a dance club, have a few drinks, disappear into the crowd and emerge the next morning as the frontman for Japan's largest pop band. Since that's not a risk we're willing to take, we'll have to lie and tell him that Japanese pop mega-star Ayumi Hamasaki is currently posing naked at his desk back here in the states to ensure he promptly flies home to us.
3. All of our underwear gets stolen by an old pervert on a train
Did you know that Japan's most popular national pastime is stealth-based undergarment theft on their public transportation? (Seriously, Google it. Or don't if you value your job.) While in Japan, IGN will need to travel by train to get from appointment to appointment, and since we're all very proud of our respective underwear collections, this one has us morbidly scared. If you happen to see a handsy, elderly man darting away from the Shibuya station clutching a pair of Halo: Reach "Warthoggin'" boxer shorts, give Ryan Geddes a blanket and buy him a drink.
4. We stop to gawk at a hot anime girl who turns out to be only 14 years old
"But officer, she said she was 18!" is a poor excuse no matter what language you speak. The problem with Japanese anime culture is that schoolgirls dominate the landscape, and that opens up a whole range of problems should we ever decide to enter a Japanese sex shop and purchase a few comic books and DVDs. Not like we'd ever do that or anything, unless of course we were asked to review them, in which case it'd be a justifiable work excursion, right? Yeah, good luck getting that excuse past the cops.
5. IGN Editorial gets replaced by robots
It's no secret that robots pose the No. 1 threat to human existence, and nobody embraces these future mechanical overlords more than the people of Japan. Which is why it's entirely possible that we'll wake up one morning to find our innards have been replaced with circuit boards. And the rest of the IGN editors sure don't want to deal with Kristine Steimer-trons and Erik Brudvignators in the own office, so preventing IGN editorial robot takeover in Japan will be our top priority. That and writing 76 previews for tentacle puzzle dating simulators that only a dozen people in the States will buy. Stay classy, Japan!
Source
5 things to watch out for when I go there. >_> There lucky. I always wanted to go there...
