THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING!
If you’re reading this, you’re probably terrified. The Singaporean education system has not prepared you adequately for a zombie apocalypse, but DON’T PANIC. Our uniquely Singaporean zombie guide won’t save you, but it will increase your chances of surviving.
-STEP 1: Defend Yourself from Hordes of Incoming Zombies-
Most zombie survival guides recommend guns, but in a land where the nearest guns are in Tekong, how? Don’t worry, you still have makeshift weapons at your disposal. Take a deep breath, calm down, then follow these steps:
Firstly, assess your surroundings.
If there’s a whole bunch of zombies coming towards you, good luck. Your best bet is probably to barricade your door, hide out and pray that the zombies aren’t staking out your house. If you live in an HDB flat, the corridors are narrow, making it difficult for zombies to surround you on all sides. Assuming zombies know how to queue up, they’ll come for you two by two.
- STEP 2: Find a Place to Stay the Night -
We don’t suggest moving too far away - being out in the open makes you an easy target for fast zombies. If the place around you is secure, stay there. If not, find somewhere in the neighborhood that you can get to quickly. Looking at the options in Singapore, here are your best bets:
Assuming you’re still at home, it’s time to venture out to scavenge for food. You’re going to need a backpack, one strong enough to hold all your gear. We know you’re kiasi, but don’t bring everything because you need to be light on your feet to escape from the zombies. Here are some essentials:
- STEP 4: Learn to Loot -
Looting is dangerous, and many more Singaporeans will have been zombified before you finish assembling your team. But it’s an important stage of survival - getting food and water is essential for survival. Some tools would be nice too!
Send scouts to check out the place first. Some supermarkets might be overrun with zombies or already looted by other survivors. You’re more noticeable when you travel in a group and it’s not worth endangering yourself only for your expedition to end in failure. At least if one person dies, it’s the scout.
Before going in, make sure everyone knows their role. You want to get in there, get your stuff and siam. Lingering around will only attract zombies
- STEP 5: Stay Healthy -
We suggest avoiding human contact unless you’re absolutely sure they’re not out to take your food (or worse, your life). If you bump into them accidentally, remain polite. Behaving in a civilized manner will encourage the other group to be nice too, but you might want to reconsider your greetings beforehand - in a world where food is running out, greeting others with a “kumain ka na? (have you eaten?)” may enrage them instead.
AND LASTLY THE VERY MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL:
- STEP 6. Don't Give Up Hope! -
There will be A another day for humanity.
If you’re reading this, you’re probably terrified. The Singaporean education system has not prepared you adequately for a zombie apocalypse, but DON’T PANIC. Our uniquely Singaporean zombie guide won’t save you, but it will increase your chances of surviving.
-STEP 1: Defend Yourself from Hordes of Incoming Zombies-
Most zombie survival guides recommend guns, but in a land where the nearest guns are in Tekong, how? Don’t worry, you still have makeshift weapons at your disposal. Take a deep breath, calm down, then follow these steps:
Firstly, assess your surroundings.
If there’s a whole bunch of zombies coming towards you, good luck. Your best bet is probably to barricade your door, hide out and pray that the zombies aren’t staking out your house. If you live in an HDB flat, the corridors are narrow, making it difficult for zombies to surround you on all sides. Assuming zombies know how to queue up, they’ll come for you two by two.
- STEP 2: Find a Place to Stay the Night -
We don’t suggest moving too far away - being out in the open makes you an easy target for fast zombies. If the place around you is secure, stay there. If not, find somewhere in the neighborhood that you can get to quickly. Looking at the options in Singapore, here are your best bets:
- House
- Bomb Shelter
- Go Underground
Assuming you’re still at home, it’s time to venture out to scavenge for food. You’re going to need a backpack, one strong enough to hold all your gear. We know you’re kiasi, but don’t bring everything because you need to be light on your feet to escape from the zombies. Here are some essentials:
- Food: dry food is good, tinned food is good, basically anything that expires several years later is good
- A few sets of clothes: leave your prom dress at home - find clothes that are durable, comfortable and hold up well in rainy weather
- Toiletries (and bleach!)
- Insect repellent: army-grade mosquito repellent is good
- Sleeping bag
- First aid kit
- Poncho and plastic bags to tie around your shoes: it’s Singapore. It never rains, it storms.
- Bottles of water
- A lighter
- A mirror: to signal with, not to check your hair
- Sewing kit
- Swiss army knife
- A flashlight
- Duct tape
- Gloves: you don’t want to be infected during hand to hand combat, do you?
- All your weapons!
- STEP 4: Learn to Loot -
Looting is dangerous, and many more Singaporeans will have been zombified before you finish assembling your team. But it’s an important stage of survival - getting food and water is essential for survival. Some tools would be nice too!
Send scouts to check out the place first. Some supermarkets might be overrun with zombies or already looted by other survivors. You’re more noticeable when you travel in a group and it’s not worth endangering yourself only for your expedition to end in failure. At least if one person dies, it’s the scout.
Before going in, make sure everyone knows their role. You want to get in there, get your stuff and siam. Lingering around will only attract zombies
- STEP 5: Stay Healthy -
We suggest avoiding human contact unless you’re absolutely sure they’re not out to take your food (or worse, your life). If you bump into them accidentally, remain polite. Behaving in a civilized manner will encourage the other group to be nice too, but you might want to reconsider your greetings beforehand - in a world where food is running out, greeting others with a “kumain ka na? (have you eaten?)” may enrage them instead.
AND LASTLY THE VERY MOST IMPORTANT OF ALL:
- STEP 6. Don't Give Up Hope! -
There will be A another day for humanity.
