Offended or over-reacting?

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GamerPerfection

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If a single person feels offended by something someone else has said, but the other people there at the time don't feel offended, then do you consider the person that felt offended is over-reacting because no-one else found whatever it was as offensive?
 
It depends on the situation.

If, for example, we are in the same thread and you guys are talking about how the N word isn't offensive because you aren't Black and so therefore people who are offended need to suck it up because most people on the planet aren't Black and as such, won't be offended by it, and then the thread turns into an ongoing list of racist jokes against Blacks, then I would say I, or anyone else who is offended have the right to say something about it. Just as you or anyone else would if the roles are reversed.

Being in the majority doesn't give you the right to dictate a person's feelings, or to write them off completely, and for the sake of discussion, you should at least try to be empathetic or understanding of the other person's point of view, instead of writing it off completely as that person over-reacting. Especially since, you would likely want the same chance if you were in that situation.
 
Black Angel said:
It depends on the situation.

If, for example, we are in the same thread and you guys are talking about how the N word isn't offensive because you aren't Black and so therefore people who are offended need to suck it up because most people on the planet aren't Black and as such, won't be offended by it, and then the thread turns into an ongoing list of racist jokes against Blacks, then I would say I, or anyone else who is offended have the right to say something about it. Just as you or anyone else would if the roles are reversed.

Being in the majority doesn't give you the right to dictate a person's feelings, or to write them off completely, and for the sake of discussion, you should at least try to be empathetic or understanding of the other person's point of view, instead of writing it off completely as that person over-reacting. Especially since, you would likely want the same chance if you were in that situation.
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Agreeing with all of this^^^

Summed up rather nicely I must say.
 
Sanaki said:
Or explain why (or your reasons for being upset, remember the other person doesn't know you or you're a complete stranger
to your offender) you're offended by something thssshouldn't be insulting to most people in the thread,
so that the peson who said these things wouldn't do it again to you & not lash out at the person who did. Lashing at the person who did say these stuff makes you
look like you're over-reacting to
something so trivial or makes you look
bad.
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You say the person that feels offended should explain themselves.... well that's wrong for a start. Yes explaining themselves would help certain situations, but if someone is being offended by someone else they shouldn't expect the "victim" to have to explain themselves.

Also, you say that the person being offended should explain why because that will help the offender understand where they went wrong, yet at the same time you are basically saying that if the offended person does not explain themselves then the offender will simply assume they are over-reacting because they are none the wiser, so really you are putting all the "onus" on the offended person instead of the offender.
 
& Yes that's what they're gonna do &
you don't want your feelings to be ignored or you want them to know they've
hurt you & you want them to be considerate towards you. How are they to know if
you don't tell them, yes?

But if you don't explain to the offender why? then how do you expect them to know
what they have to apologize for? & to
understand what you (as the one who's
upset) feel? Or to know what they shouldn't say to you? they're not telepaths &
cannot read your mind, you know.

& the offender usually would not care
enough about you to understand you.

What are you gonna do if
offended/insulted irl (at work or family, relationship, friends? Say your gf or wife offended you/hurt you) Demand an apology or go on without talking to them?
Would they(she) do it because you demand of it? No. Would you help yourself by not going to them first?

they'd think: "Why should they when they haven't done you wrong in their eyes"?
 
What am I gonna do? What I always do to someone that offends me, laugh at them and tell them they are an inbred. Then see how they like being offended.

lol, I don't actually do that. In fact I rarely get offended because I always look at things like, why should I let words hurt me?

I'm white, if you call me a white man, so what, you're only pointing out the truth. I'm thin, but if you call me skinny, well I don't like the word skinny, but how is calling me skinny actually going to hurt me. At school I was called gay, I knew the truth that I wasn't, so why would I let it hurt me? Popularity at school is over-rated. I hope you see where I'm coming from.

At the end of the day you have to ask yourself what is important to you, and I mean really important. For me it is family, friends, and health and in a way work (but that's something else entirely). So really when you narrow it down there is not much to offend me with.


Sanaki, let me give you a scenario and see if you still feel that one person feeling offended out of a group of people means they are over-reacting and they SHOULD explain themselves.

I'll try not to be too graphic with this as I don't want to offend anyone, but I feel it a serious topic and have points to prove, and this is also fictional.
You have a group of school boys that are all heterosexual. There is another group of school boys that are calling the other group gay. All of the boys in that group laugh it off except one boy. This one boy is offended and hurt by it. The reality for this boy is that his father sexually abused him. Therefore is highly likely to be offended by what the group of boys are calling him. None of the other boys were offended by it because their childhood suffered no badness.

By what you say Sanaki, this one boy would be over-reacting because a) the other boys aren't offended, and b) the offenders don't know what they have done to offend him and therefore claim he's over-reacting.

You then go on to say the offended party should explain themselves as to why they feel offended. In this scenario should the offended party explain themselves? No. If they do explain themselves do you think the offenders are going to apologise and become his friends? No, they will narrow their focus and attention on the one boy instead of the group.

In most cases the "offender" knows what they are actually doing. So you expecting the offended party to explain themselves is just presenting them on a silver platter.

I understand not all cases of "being offended" are going to be on par with each other, that some are more serious than others. But when I said you are narrow-minded the other day I meant it and this proves it, because you said straight away that the offended person should explain themselves to the offender. You gave no consideration to the scenario that takes place, which presents you as narrow and closed-minded.

I can't remember the last time someone offended me, it's been that long ago. But as soon as I disagreed with what you were saying regarding white men and asian women you automatically assumed I got offended instead of me just disagreeing with the phraseology that you chose to use and then you claimed I was over-reacting because I was the only one that "appeared offended".
 
Why? Because to me, I'd assume you got offended by my words
because I didn't understand your reaction to what I said. (to me, you did not simply disagree, you attacked my views on it: Asian women, White men, saying I shouldn't feel creeped out by White men's sexual advances, I bet, per your own logic about the offenders knowing what they were doing, you should have known you were mocking me by saying
that, right?) Hence why I thought you over-reacted to what I said. Normal, no?

Yet I'm thinking to myself: why did you react this way? If not offended/upset by what I said.

& Yes. people offend others
because of ignorance & lack of understanding the other. & the offended feels
offended because of the same reasons.

How would the group who offended him know about the guy's past history with his father? Unless he told the whole class beforehand about this?

But I assume the class didn't know about him at all. You on the other hand, seem to say the other
party could know about his past, then in this case, I'd agree with you, it's their(the offenders) fault.

So this really depends on if the offender knew this would hurt the offended or not. & In my case, I didn't.
 
No i'm not saying in that case that the other party knew about his past. I'm trying to point out that not all cases of someone being offended are the same, yet you feel the offended party should always explain to the offenders why they were hurt by what they said.

If someone called someone else gay, knowing that they were not, then do you expect the offended person to have to explain themselves to the offender for them to understand why they are offended by it?

I did not "attack" your views on it. This section is the fierce debates section. You could easily have just complained about "men" that have obsessions towards Asian women. What does the colour have to do with it? What affect does it have if a white man has an obsession for Asian women compared to black men having obsession for Asian women? You are the one that brought race in to it by singling out white men, when all you needed to do was speak of mens obsession with Asian women.
 
Yes I see what you mean... any group of men having a sexual
obsession towards any group of women is wrong. Whether a
White being obsessed with Asian, or Blacks or even Indians or
even natives & etc.

You're saying I shouldn't single out? But I specifically wanna talk about why White men have a fetish towards Asian
women, cause that's what I see here most
often. & Must people do as you demand ofthem now since you feel hurt by what they said? No. I'd recommend you to change your tone if you want others to listen to you?

Because from what I read, you're very sensitive about being
called a White guy even if you say you
aren't. & I don't see why you should be concerned about what I said about White men since you yourself don't have an Asian fetish.
 
I'm not sensitive about being called a white guy at all. You just read my posts as being sensitive.

You say that white men having a fetish towards Asian women is what you see the most, yet what you actually see is men having a fetish towards Asian women. It is you that is bringing the race issue in to it.

Just because you see white men having fetishes towards Asian women does this mean you can't have a debate about men in general with such fetishes? Why single out? If I talk to you about men having a fetish can you not comment because i'm not talking about white men in particular?
 
Because that would more than I need to know & besides the point of that thread. If a study/research wants to know about something specific or wants an answer to a specific question, wouldn't it be pointless to bring other factors in? Or would it burden the researcher with uneeded/unwanted information?

& Yes, that would be out of turn for me
to speak if you were talking about men
in general.

& I'm not picking on White men, just stating something that's really predominant
where I'm living.

I never thought this would be "picking on White men".

I might suggest something else for you
if you wanna have a "civil debate" with people:

don't call others' opinions stupid if you're disagreeing with them & even if thy offend you, makes you sound extremely condescending & arrogant & disagreeable even. I'm sure you wouldn't like it if anyone else (me for example) called your opinions "moronic, or dumb or narrow-minded" just cause you don't agree with them).

I'll not apologize for something you
accuse me of doing after you've made fun of me in my thread.
 
There are times when people do overreact to innocent/innocuous things and times when when what is stated really is offensive. (Unfortunately there are also times when there is such a fine line between overreaction and actual offensive content that it's really difficult to know where to side.) 

Like suppose, for an innocent situation where someone reacts if it's offensive, that someone wants to sign in anonymously. They aren't going to cause problems on a site, they're known to have good behaviour but they just don't want to deal with a flood of questions/messages from people all the time. 
And someone freaking out over another signing in anonymously is a matter of overreacting. (It doesn't hurt or affect you at all, it makes no difference so why get riled up?)

As for the idea that someone else gets offended by something one says or does... To be fair, they have a right to be offended. They can explain why they're offended to try to change the mind of others if they want (but they aren't required). But by the same token, just because one person is offended does not mean that grand changes will be made to accommodate them. 
Sometimes they might not like what is stated, or why, but they might have to suck it up and/or let it go because they aren't going to get their way. (Cue every time an admin has ever dealt with a problem member.)

To use another relevant example, those who want to ban violent videogames. Sure they might be offended by violent games... But the vast majority see no issue with buying or playing them. So those that are offended can complain all they want because it's not going to get them anywhere. 
Sure, we understand they're offended... but that doesn't mean we're obligated to do everything they want to appease them. Especially since their anger is based of lack of understanding (which puts them in line with the racists and problem members on sites).

Ultimately it's worth remembering that not everyone can be accommodated at all times on all issues. 


Though for issues like racism (which is a much broader, more widespread issue with much larger and more real effects on society) some things stated are just really offensive no way about it.  And saying those sorts of things just invites others to get offended. (And justifiably so at that.)

But that doesn't mean that everything which could potentially be racist/offensive should necessarily be abolished either. Great works of fiction may well be considered racist (due to the time period they were written in). The key is to know it's offensive, to know why and to treat the subject matter with respect and dignity.  We can't learn from the past if we completely erase it and pretend it didn't exist. 
 
Yes, thank you, Virus, all my points to you in one post, Gamer.

Very fair post to both sides: the
offender & the offended.

Especially when the other person (the offender) didn't even know he/she would offend the one who's upset/offended, & thus
cannot be considerate toward the offended in this case.

Not fair from the offended person
to lash out/rage at the other side
& to accuse him/her to do it to him/her purposedly.
 
That person probably needs to grow up. Just my opinion. I don't think i've ever actually been 'offended' by anything and usually when someone is they are over reacting. I'm not saying all cases are like this, because I can imagine some scenarios where people should be offended, but it takes a lot of gall on an individual to play those scenarios out.
 
You are obviously upset at the fact that you don't understand anything that is being said in the other topic. 

Your lack of understanding comes from your own incorrigible stubbornness, closed-mindedness and myopia. 

You say that others are calling you a racist because you offended them, and even when they have told you that you didn't offend them, but what you were saying was offensive, you still refuse to see the point they were trying to make and insist that they were offended.

You were the one who stated what you did, and then tried to deny it and when people call you out on it, you turn around and say that they were offended, when all they were doing was pointing out where you contradicted yourself.

You said that White guys are disgusting, you did not say "some" and because you didn't say that, logically speaking, you were implying that ALL White guys are disgusting, and then when someone said that that is racist, you turn around and say that they were offended, when all they were doing was point out the err in your post.

Instead of taking a second look and acknowledging the error, you turn around and defend it as though you and your points of view are under attack. You basically, made a racist remark, denied that it was racist, and when someone points out to you that it was, you turn around and defend the racist remark and insist that they only pointed it out because they were offended.

You even asked me to point out where you said that, and when I did, you asked me why I was defending GP since I'm not a White guy.

And even when I told you that I wasn't taking his side, but said that he had valid point, you still insist that I was. Yet, you didn't say jack shit, when I said that I understood your points regarding race-based fetishes.

If you walk like a duck, and quack like a duck, then people are going to assume that you are a duck.

If you aren't a duck, then don't walk and quack like one, because if you do, you will be called a duck.
 
BA hasn't called you any names.

You don't seem to understand that I have not been offended by a single thing you said. But, regardless of whether I was offended or not that still doesn't mean I am unable to recognise what you say is right or wrong. Saying white men disgust you is racist. It didn't offend me but it is wrong to say it. If you said men disgust you that is not racist.

You clearly find it difficult to understand other people's views and comments on the internet.

You accuse me of stalking and harrasing you and this is all because i havent agreed with things you said, and you've worked yourself up to the point you make unfounded accusations of myself and BA.
 
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