I think that you are forgetting the main role of grandparents. They are supposed to spoil you, they do it because you are their grandkid, and also, if you are hyped up on sugar after spending time with them, then you become your parent's problem. Not theirs lol. Your parent's are mainly disciplinarians, while your grandparents are sort of your reprieve from that.
At any rate, I would find it a blessing to have parents and grandparents that cared that much. My [maternal] grandmother died before I was born, and my maternal grandfather was never in the picture. I am 30 years old and I can count on one hand how many times I had seen and interacted with him and have fingers left over to spare.
My brother and I were raised by my mother and maternal great-grandmother, and although my late great-grandmother was also a disciplinarian, she was also our grandmother as well, so not only did we get chastised when we did wrong, but we were also spoiled rotten. We were the only great-grandkids she had for a long time, and since her daughter wasn't alive, she spoiled us even more.
I was spoiled rotten during the year I stayed with my great-grandmother, while my mother and father were moving from base to base between the states of the Eastern Seaboard. She always kept treats in the house and would always take me out to places where I'd be given treats and toys because they thought I was adorable. These weren't total strangers, but people she'd see every day going to the store, and running errands. The same thing would happen once my brother came along.
Whenever my brother and I went down South for the Summer, our paternal grandparents did the same. My grandparents would give us what ever we wanted and would fatten us up if they thought we were too skinny, and by the time Fall came around and school was about to commence, our mom would get our butts back into shape and ready for the school year.
I am not going to say much about my father other than the fact that he was never around, save for a few times here and there and rather than being grateful for the fact that my mother raised us herself and later on, she met our stepfather, who fulfilled the role of a father that my brother needed, he would rather talk shit and rewrite history such as, trying to say that he was responsible for my husband and I being together for as long as we have, to make himself out to be a good father and the helpless victim.
Instead of just owning up to his fuck ups as a father, as a man, and as a human being, he'd rather run away from them like a coward, and then gloat about the things he's gotten to experience as a person without children to tie him down. We have 1 other brother that we don't know anything about, and he refuses to tell us. I will let the issue rest until he is no longer on this Earth, but until then, and knowing the kind of person he is, I sincerely doubt that we don't have more siblings out there than just the 1 we know of.
Regarding abuse, I won't say much other than the fact that I learned from him what the physical difference was between abuse, and discipline, and there is a very good, legal reason why my mother had sole custody of me and my brother, and if she had stayed, then my brother would not be here. What is sad, but not unsurprising, is that, after almost dying twice, you'd think that it would give him some perspective and cause him to reevaluate the decisions he's made in his life and the relationships he's had with people, especially his own family and children. But, it hasn't.
I don't hate my father, I just feel sorry for him, and while I am not actively pursuing a relationship with him, I am not going to tolerate him lying or talking shit about the very people who has always been there for me and my brother. I am not angry at him and am actually grateful for the fact that he wasn't in our lives enough to be an influence and over the years, I have come to realize that I wasn't missing out on anything by him not being apart of our lives, and the fact that he wasn't around just makes me more grateful for the fact that my stepfather was there and still is to this day.
I think that our parents aren't perfect, and only did the best they could with what they had available at the time, and that in a person's life, there comes a point where we should stop blaming our parents and start taking responsibility for our own lives.
If your parent deprived you of an open-minded attitude toward foreign cuisine as a child, then there is nothing stopping you from having one as an adult.
If your parents deprived you of external influences and learning as a child, then there is nothing stopping you from learning these things as an adult.
Our parents have a limited time frame of influence on our lives, before we are out the door and on our own as adults. Taking the initiative and learning for ourselves when we are older, and before we are on our own as adults can only help us when that time comes.
