Tales of Speed

[Space Core]

Chapter 5:More people
Some sort of battle arena
Yoshian12,a hero with a black outfit,celestial bronze sword with grey handel,and plain brown hair."Who are you?"asked Sonic."I'm Yoshian12,warrior.I defeated DarkNess twice."replied Yoshian12."Oh yeah!!!I remember you,but where is DYL,Nintendo,and everyone else?""They left on a secret quest."repkied Yoshian12."Let me heal them."Yoshian12 added.1 hour later...."Dobe."Yoshian12 said.Everyone groaned."Who are you?"asked Luke."No time,let's go!"Yoshian12 said.Thet went to the center of the arena.Then,portals as ppeared.Pac-Man,Mega-Man,Crash Bandicoot,Ms.Pac-Man,Donkey Kong,Diddy Kong,Classic So-

I'm sorry, but I have to stop right there and commence some more tips.

Tip #2: read tip #1. No, srsly. It makes it look like god does have a physical form. (if you believe in the religious stuff.)

Tip #3: The less characters in action stories the better. I've read the Hunder Games, InkHeart trilogy, Infinity Blade: Awakening, half of the Da Vinci Code and quite a few others, all of which are fairly action based. All of them don't handle really any more than 4 or so characters at a time: one chapter will be about the main characters and another/an extra bit of a chapter for the villain or side character. You have the original characters, which would the the MAX ammount of characters you should have for a chapter. (if you had've put in the "classic" characters in, I most likely wouldn't have read this) but then you added ALL of those extras, holy damn it's too much. If your going to focus on a couple a chapter, then sure, still good. But if they're gonna be in ONE chapter, it's way too much and Most of them will be excluded. Just like the previous 2nd chapter, Mario and everyone else was added in, but got their anus' kicked. I know, it's your story, but you can't just cut characters like that. Last chapter you focused ONLY on Speedy and Sonic. And when I say focus on characters, I don't mean strictly 4 characters; like I said, a couple a chapter and that's LOTS.
And continuing from the "few characters a chapter," InkDeath did this quite often. Let's say One chapter was about Meggie escaping from The Adderheads men, and the next would be about Mo binding a new "White Book" for him. And some of those chapters are LENGTHY.

And please, PU-LEASE fully read this and take it into account. And it also makes it a bit neater as well.

You forgot to tell him Tip #4, make an original character before rushing into plotlines.
Yes, i'm trying to flat out say your FCs are Recolors, SSF.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

Chapter 6:Split Up
Battle Arena
"Rahhhhhh!!!!!!"yelled a Hyperborean giant."Attack!!"said the strange voice from earlier.Hellhounds,giants,and dragons came out of the cages in the arena."Wait,Yoshian12,make portals to get sone people out of here!"Speedy said."Roger that!"Yoshian12 said.He sent Mario,Yoshi,Ms.Pac-Man,Crash,Amy,Rachel,the Classics,the Kongs,Mega-Man, Kirby,SSF,Knuckles,and Blast back home.Sonic,Speedy,Yoshian12,Luke,Tails,and Pac-Man were left."Let's do this!"Sonic said.Pac-Man chomped,Sonic spin-dashed,Speedy and Yoshian12 slashed,and Tails and Luke shot monsters with Laser guns."Ahhhhhh!!"Luke 'N' Tails said.They were punched badly by a giant."Tails!"Sonic said."Luke!" speedy said.They got so mad,they went Dark."Woah."Yoshian12 said.Sonic punched the giant and Speedy vaporized Hellhounds."Wakka Wakka Wakka!"Pac-Man said as he chomped.They didn't know what dangers were coming....

 

[go away hernandez]

SSF...just..why.

That's TOO MANY CHARACTERS FOR ONE SINGLE CHAPTER.

Tone them DOWN.Don't just cram in all the characters.SPREAD THEM OUT.
And it's too many characters PERIOD!You don't NEED Pac-Man.You don't need all these characters.

Also,Yoshian making portals?Isn't that,y'know,OVERPOWERING YOUR CHARACTERS?

Characters need to have BALANCE and SENSIBILITY.Not just THE ABILITY TO MAKE PORTALS OUTTA NOWHERE.

I don't think you're writer material,SSF.Wait until you're older or so.

 

[Space Core]

Oddly, even how terrible this story is, i'm inspired to create a Fanfic myself.

 

[Vivian]

SSF, I'm sorry, but your punctuation and spelling is appalling, you've just randomly brought in characters with no warning, you have no idea how to meld a story, and nor can you write at a satisfactory standard.

I'm sorry SSF, I can't really give any praise to bad work. Try again when you're older.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

You know what,lock this topic cause It's so disorganized.

 

[go away hernandez]

You know what,lock this topic cause It's so disorganized.

We don't need a lock,you need to listen to our critisim,and maybe try to write a better story than just Sonic recolors plus a bajillion characters?

This is what I'm getting so far:

Cinos and the rest of his look alikes were in some battle.OH NOES.Yoshian decides to MAKE PORTALS OUTTA NOWHERE AND EVERY SINGLE GAME CHARACTER COMES AND FIGHTS.The rest is fighting.SOME SHIT IS GOING DOWN NEXT TIME.

That's pretty short.

Try to make it better,and longer?

 

[Member]

Its fan fiction, and anything is possible in fiction. Now quit making yourself look stupid and being so ignorant about SSF's work, Skymin. I think this is a pretty good story for a fan fiction, keep up the good work SSF. It's really good for a first try!

 

[SupahSonicFan]

You know what,lock this topic cause It's so disorganized.

We don't need a lock,you need to listen to our critisim,and maybe try to write a better story than just Sonic recolors plus a bajillion characters?

This is what I'm getting so far:

Cinos and the rest of his look alikes were in some battle.OH NOES.Yoshian decides to MAKE PORTALS OUTTA NOWHERE AND EVERY SINGLE GAME CHARACTER COMES AND FIGHTS.The rest is fighting.SOME SHIT IS GOING DOWN NEXT TIME.

That's pretty short.

Try to make it better,and longer?

Its fan fiction. Anything is possible in fiction. Now quit typing in caps and making yourself look stupid, and quit criticizing SSF's work. I think this is a pretty good story for a fan fiction, keep up the good work SSF. I think this is really good.

Thanks dude.I'll keep up my work!!! I decided 11 chapters in this story.

 

[Member]

Yeah, your welcome. Also, don't let those two idiots make fun of your work.

If you want, I can help you out with the story.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

Yes. Also, don't let anyone make fun of your work. I will help you out if you want.

I do need help,so you can help.

 

[go away hernandez]

Yes. Also, don't let anyone make fun of your work. I will help you out if you want.

I'm not making fun of his work.
I'm giving him critism.

That's how things become better:critism to improve it.

How do you think Nintendo became popular? They listened to what made their past games bad, and improved on them.

I actually want SSF to make a good fanfic, but sometimes you NEED critism if you want a good outcome.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

SSF, I'm sorry, but your punctuation and spelling is appalling, you've just randomly brought in characters with no warning, you have no idea how to meld a story, and nor can you write at a satisfactory standard.

I'm sorry SSF, I can't really give any praise to bad work. Try again when you're older.

I'm using my TOUCH SCREEN phone,so punctuation and spelling don't always come out right.

 

[Fillfall]

SSF, I'm sorry, but your punctuation and spelling is appalling, you've just randomly brought in characters with no warning, you have no idea how to meld a story, and nor can you write at a satisfactory standard.

I'm sorry SSF, I can't really give any praise to bad work. Try again when you're older.

I'm using my TOUCH SCREEN phone,so punctuation and spelling don't always come out right.

I use that a lot, and it works fine..

 

[F'jeris]

SSF, I'm sorry, but your punctuation and spelling is appalling, you've just randomly brought in characters with no warning, you have no idea how to meld a story, and nor can you write at a satisfactory standard.

I'm sorry SSF, I can't really give any praise to bad work. Try again when you're older.

I'm using my TOUCH SCREEN phone,so punctuation and spelling don't always come out right.

As an I. Hell, I prefer it over computer any day. Auto corrects for me and I'm not always looking straight down when I'm typing. An I can also do this-фхкьв,εδφλψ´,얌체. Auto correct even fixed up that last one!

Then again, I don't think all Smart-Phones have auto. ]_]

Ed-Amd criticizing is basically another word for HELPING. I'm giving helpful tips/info to HELP you make it better, so it doesn't look like a 5 year old could make a better story than you.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

I'm gonna re-write this.

 

[go away hernandez]

You know what,lock this topic cause It's so disorganized.

We don't need a lock,you need to listen to our critisim,and maybe try to write a better story than just Sonic recolors plus a bajillion characters?

This is what I'm getting so far:

Cinos and the rest of his look alikes were in some battle.OH NOES.Yoshian decides to MAKE PORTALS OUTTA NOWHERE AND EVERY SINGLE GAME CHARACTER COMES AND FIGHTS.The rest is fighting.SOME SHIT IS GOING DOWN NEXT TIME.

That's pretty short.

Try to make it better,and longer?

Its fan fiction. Anything is possible in fiction. Now quit typing in caps and making yourself look stupid, and quit criticizing SSF's work. I think this is a pretty good story for a fan fiction, keep up the good work SSF. I think this is really good.

Look,I know I'm gonna sound rude..

But this isn't the worlds greatest fanfic. It's pretty bad, he just smushed everything he wanted into it, and made it a giant mess.


He knows it wasn't that great of a written fanfic,so he's re-doing it.Which is good.

SSF,I'll be honest with you:finish it when you're older or so.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

You know what,lock this topic cause It's so disorganized.

We don't need a lock,you need to listen to our critisim,and maybe try to write a better story than just Sonic recolors plus a bajillioIn characters?

This is what I'm getting so far:

Cinos and the rest of his look alikes were in some battle.OH NOES.Yoshian decides to MAKE PORTALS OUTTA NOWHERE AND EVERY SINGLE GAME CHARACTER COMES AND FIGHTS.The rest is fighting.SOME SHIT IS GOING DOWN NEXT TIME.

That's pretty short.

Try to make it better,and longer?

Its fan fiction. Anything is possible in fiction. Now quit typing in caps and making yourself look stupid, and quit criticizing SSF's work. I think this is a pretty good story for a fan fiction, keep up the good work SSF. I think this is really good.

Look,I know I'm gonna sound rude..

But this isn't the worlds greatest fanfic. It's pretty bad, he just smushed everything he wanted into it, and made it a giant mess.


He knows it wasn't that great of a written fanfic,so he's re-doing it.Which is good.

SSF,I'll be honest with you:finish it when you're older or so.

I'm canceling it and gonna re-write.

 

[SupahSonicFan]

You know what,lock this topic cause It's so disorganized.

We don't need a lock,you need to listen to our critisim,and maybe try to write a better story than just Sonic recolors plus a bajillioIn characters?

This is what I'm getting so far:

Cinos and the rest of his look alikes were in some battle.OH NOES.Yoshian decides to MAKE PORTALS OUTTA NOWHERE AND EVERY SINGLE GAME CHARACTER COMES AND FIGHTS.The rest is fighting.SOME SHIT IS GOING DOWN NEXT TIME.

That's pretty short.

Try to make it better,and longer?

Its fan fiction. Anything is possible in fiction. Now quit typing in caps and making yourself look stupid, and quit criticizing SSF's work. I think this is a pretty good story for a fan fiction, keep up the good work SSF. I think this is really good.

Look,I know I'm gonna sound rude..

But this isn't the worlds greatest fanfic. It's pretty bad, he just smushed everything he wanted into it, and made it a giant mess.


He knows it wasn't that great of a written fanfic,so he's re-doing it.Which is good.

SSF,I'll be honest with you:finish it when you're older or so.

I'm canceling it and gonna re-write.I'm not gonna finish it.

 

[Member]

I'm canceling it and gonna re-write.I'm not gonna finish it.



No, you are doing a good job. It's ok to have some spelling errors, you can always fix them later.