Best Chuck Norris facts/Jokes

[ubertrance]

ONLY one at a time...i know there are many but one at a time

ill start...

Chuck Norris can blow bubbles with beef jerky.

 

[Yoshi]

Chuck Norris once shot down a plane by pointing at it and yelling "BANG!".

 

[ubertrance]

If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

 

[Yoshi]

Chcuk Norris is the only male human to give birth. His only child; Vin Diesel.

or

Like the new Jeep Hurricane, Chuck Norris can accelerate from 0 to 60 mph in 4.9 seconds, and can also an navigate an 86.7 degree slope when moving downward.

 

[ubertrance]

Apple pays Chuck Norris 99 cents every time he listens to a song.

 

[Yoshi]

What's the reason behind all the hurricanes lately? Chuck "POSEIDON" Norris creates such a vortex of force from one roundhouse kick, that it can easily create said natural disaster. That and he hates all old people living in Florida.

 

[ubertrance]

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

 

[Yoshi]

Chuck Norris won 'Jumanji' without ever saying the word. He simply beat the living sh** out of everything that was thrown at him, and the game forfeited.

 

[ubertrance]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

 

[Yoshi]

Chuck Norris wrote the Da Vinci Code, but allows Dan Brown to pose as the novel's author, fearing it will damage his "street cred."

 

[ubertrance]

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

 

[Yoshi]

The fight scene between Chuck Norris and Bruce Lee near the end of "Return of the Dragon" required 58 takes because Chuck Norris kept accidentally beating Bruce Lee. Finally after shooting the scene 57 times, a stunt double had to be brought in to replace Chuck Norris. This stunt double was, of course, a young Vin Diesel.

 

[ubertrance]

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

 

[Yoshi]

Chuck Norris never runs out of gas while driving.

 

[ubertrance]

When Chuck Norris was denied an Egg McMuffin at McDonald's because it was 10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.

 

[Demon_Skeith]

Chuck Norris can deliver kicks that can shatter bones.

 

[ubertrance]

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be Chucksized.

 

[Demon_Skeith]

There is no 'ctrl' button on Chuck Norris's computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

 

[Midnight Sky]

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

 

[Demon_Skeith]

When Chuck Norris wants an egg, he cracks open a chicken.