Sanaki, I think GP is just pointing out that you are doing the same exact thing that you are accusing White men of.
Skin color is irrelevant here.
And both partners would only have an issue with understanding each other if neither put forth an honest effort into communicating.
Communicating works when one person talks, and the other listens, and they each take turns with talking and listening and have a better understanding of each other as a result.
It seems like your reasons for being against interracial marriages and relationships stems from communication issues.
Communication issues are not isolated to race, if you were to date only Asian men, and you eventually end up married to one, I can pretty much guarantee that you will have communication issues there too.
That said, when prejudices are cast aside, your mind will open, and communication becomes more effective.
If you love the person, and you truly want things to work out between you, then you will make every effort to communicate with that person and to understand them when they are communicating with you.
In your scenario regarding the jokes, if you find something funny that they don't, or don't get, then the onus is on you to explain it to them, in the same way that they would explain something to you that do not understand. You can, in turn, explain why you didn't find it funny or didn't get it.
It is when that happens, that you will get a better understanding of each other and how you both think.
For example, when I dated my ex who was White, there were a lot of things that he didn't understand at first, and he had some prejudices of his own at first as well. But it was through me communicating with him, that he was able to shed his prejudices in lieu of being educated and having a better understanding of the subject of his former prejudice.
Such as, why I relax my hair. At first, he thought that the reason Black women relax (straighten) their hair and wear hair extensions,(weaves) was because they subconsciously resent themselves and their appearance, and want to be White.
I pretty much set him straight on that, by telling him that natural hair is a lot of maintenance, and many Black women simply do not have the time to do everything that it takes to maintain a natural style on a daily basis, and so, many women prefer to relax their hair because it makes their hair easier to manage.
I told him that while I won't speak for other Black women, that the reason I straighten my hair has a lot to do with that, in addition to the fact that my hair is extremely thick, even by African-American standards, because of the fact that I am also part Native American, and so, my hair is thick because of that. I wouldn't be able to wear my hair natural because it would get tangled and damn near impossible to detangle, and as a result of doing this on a daily basis, it would sustain a lot of damage and break off.
I told him that if/when my hair breaks off too much, then I would have to put my hair in a protective style (such as a weave) and give my hair a break, will giving it a chance to grow out. I told him that my decision to relax my hair and wear weaves on occasion, has nothing to do with me wanting to be White.
Another example was when he asked me why Black women seem to be so angry or bitter in general.
I told him that Black women aren't angry, they are just very guarded, distrustful and have to be strong in general. I explained to him that Black women have to deal with a daily reminder that they are not considered beautiful, not from what someone says, but rather, because of how they are treated not only by some men in their community, but also in the media. According to the media, Black people are shown in only 2 shades, even though we come in many more shades than that, and a lot of the time we are portrayed as hoodrats, or other negative stereotypes, unless they pick the beauty queen types to play a love interest, or lead character in a movie. Adding to that, is when you have some Black men who idolize women of other races, and even those who are light skinned, while putting their own women down. This is one of the major things that creates the division in the Black Community.
The beauty industry is no different, especially since, the Black women they use, are not even American, they come from other countries, even though they market their products toward Americans. Many Black women take this to heart, and while most use their strength to fight through this, some weaker minded individuals will resort to plastic surgery and even skin bleaching to make themselves look more like light-skinned or even White people. When you add the issues within the Black Community, such as the single parent epidemic, and issues where men are concerned such as some who just want to be thugs, always being incarcerated and being the largest contributer to the spread of AIDS among Blacks, many weaker minded women, believing that a thug is the best they can do for themselves, stay with these men, and even resorting to promiscuous behavior to keep him if he threatens to leave her for a woman of another race, and oftentimes this results in her own harm. This is why so many women end up being infected with HIV/AIDS.
The ones who seem to have a good head on their shoulders, and wanting to be successful usually want nothing to do with Black women, even if they are successful themselves, because they associate anything that reminds themselves of who they are as negative, is the reason why many Black women are guarded. From birth, many are not wanted, and they live their entire lives as adults believing that, because they are constantly reminded of this, and while other races with defend their own women if attacked, there are a lot of Black men who would look the other way or join in attacking Black women. This is why they are so guarded and usually protect themselves with a coat of armor, because when the chips are down, they are usually standing by themselves.
This is an ugly cycle because on the off-chance that she does come across a good guy, Black or not, she will remain guarded, and won't trust him at first, because she has already been conditioned to do so, and will push him away (self-sabotage.) This will leave the good guy feeling as though she is mean and bitter, and will leave, if he takes it personally. This will devastate her, for the simple fact that she can't unlearn her conditioning any more than a soldier who has been in combat for a long time can unlearn their training, This is why it takes a strong, and stubborn (perseverance) man, to love a Black woman. Because it is though perseverance, that he can begin to chip away at the armor that she has been carrying around since birth. This is also why Black women are usually stereotyped as being strong.. even though, we are vulnerable, but have a very thick armor.
Anyway, after I explained all of this to him, he had a better understanding of Black women, as well as why he was wrong in his thoughts, and he was able to shed any prejudices he once had. It is only through the fact that he cared enough to listen to, and understand what I was saying, and that I cared enough to explain why he was wrong, that an effective communication took place.
Now, if you don't communicate your feelings, and the other person doesn't care enough to listen, then communication, and the relationship itself is doomed for failure. A relationship is, daily maintenance of a connection to another person, using a series of communications on a daily basis.
The secret to maintaining a healthy relationship or marriage has more to do with love, respect, trust and communication than it does race. You can't have a relationship without communication, you can't have communication without respect, and you can't have respect without trust, and you can't have trust without respect, and without these, you can't have love.
These things are not exclusive to race.
